inheritedpain | IC INBOX: PRISMATICA

[ and it's Sizhui's turn, though Fairy might have let Jin Ling know already, to send, ]

I'm outside your window. Let me in?

[ He doesn’t reply, and everything is quiet for a moment, before finally the curtain is drawn back and the window opened.

He doesn’t say anything, averting his gaze immediately and stepping back over to his bed to sit down and pet Fairy who sits obediently at his feet. ]

[ Sizhui just pulls the curtain back closed, then follows and settles on the bed, wrapping his arms around Jin Ling from behind.

This... this world. Taking away those they know will not be all right back home, that's the worst. ]

[ He tenses a little, a heat he had been desperately trying to ignore flaring in his eyes, stinging at the edges.

He hated this.

He was trying to be strong for Sizhui, trying not to let the other boy worry about him, but every time he thought he put it out of mind it came back to him in full force, picturing Harry grimly facing down his death.

He hadn’t needed to check the network.

The snitch had disappeared.

After a couple of minutes, Jin Ling sagged a little, his face twisting as he tried to fight off tears. ]

You’re not allowed to leave before me. [ Roughly, gearing against his throat. ] we disappear together or not at all.

I'm not allowed, [ he acknowledged quietly. Then he shifted, still one arm wrapped around Jin Ling, and sat next to him. ]

Come lie down against me.

[ That way he could still pet Fairy but also did not have to sit up, to be strong, to hold up when everything was falling apart because just thinking about someone else hurt.

Oh, Sizhui understood. And he understood it was different for Jin Ling, it was different when it was Harry.

It was different when the extra beaded string of gold was in Sizhui's pocket because he had gone to Harry's place while he waited for an answer. Just in case. ]

[ He almost argued just for the sake of it - just because he had too many feelings and no where to put or vent them. But he couldn’t do it, couldn’t lash out at Sizhui, no matter how much part of him wanted to.

He drew in a breath and then did as he was told, lying down next to where Sizhui was perched and half wrapping around him.

He didn’t know what to say. Or if there was anything to say. But his eyes were glimmering with hot, angry tears just before they started to trace silently across his cheek bones to the sheets below his head. ]

[ One of Sizhui's arms stays still wrapped around Jin Ling's back; the other comes up to smooth through his hair. He doesn't call attention to the tears because, really. All things considered, those are normal.

He doesn't try to make him talk, either, not yet at least. But he does hum.

A song of sadness, not calm.

His ache for Harry and what is coming for Harry doesn't compare to Jin Ling's, but it's shared, all the same. ]

[ Jin Ling didn’t join in. Was never a singer, anyway, and didn’t have the heart to do it in the first place. But Sizhui’s sorrow cut deep into his own, and slowly the quiet angry tears turned into helpless sobs, Jin Ling curling in tightly on himself and gripping Sizhui fiercely.

He’d always known this would happen. Just like he knew at some point he or Sizhui would disappear, too.

But fuck he didn’t know it would hurt so bad. ]

[ Sizhui lets him cry. It's - well, Sizhui cried on him, last time, but it's also different. The loss of Harry, unless something happens, is also a bit of mourning. And Jin Ling has had far too great a share of mourning in his life.

He is there, smoothing through his hair, the humming trailing off as he mentally checks off what he needs to do. Ask Sect Leader Jiang for permission to stay. If granted, ask Hanguang-jun. Tell Jingyi, because not coming home will probably alarm him.

And the rest of his attention, all to Jin Ling.

He speaks when the sobs quiet down a little. ]

You gave him more than he would have had if he'd never come here. That is - something.

[ He doesn't hesitate, because he knows how Jin Ling gives - unstintingly. ]

[The bundle under his arm is full of a mix of food pilfered from the fridge, stuff that Jingyi went out and bought, and something for Fairy. He arrives at the appointed location only to pause, fuss with the device on his wrist, and then huff. Sizhui should receive his a 'okay, I am here' text at any moment.

Whatever reason that whoever might deny Sizhui staying overnight when Jin Ling is going through this means that he is not going to be ringing any doorbells before Sizhui gives an all clear.]

[ He didn’t reply right away, his throat raw and his eyes burning, his whole body aching just from the intensity of how tight he’d curled up.

He just breathes for a couple seconds to keep himself from snapping the first thing on his mind, from lashing out where it isn’t deserved.

Still, when he speaks, its clipped. ]

And he won’t remember any of it. It will be like none of this happened at all.

[ Sizhui disentangles himself, briefly, and squeezes Jin Ling's hand to cross the great and far (not very) distance to the window, and raise the curtain. ]

Jingyi. Over here.

[ the whole thing with losses is wearing them all thin. And while he's not sure Jin Ling will take well to one more person, it ... hopefully will be a little better to have someone not quite as worn-thin as the two of them. ]

Perhaps he won't. [ Calm, but not trying to soothe with words, merely ... remind. ] But it did happen, and it made a difference to him while he was here.

It's all we can do, sometimes.

[ He stiffens when Sizhui moves, and then groans when he hears Jingyi’s name mentioned, grabbing his pillow and covering his head with it. ]

I don’t want him to see me like this! Tell him I’m fine!

[ That is probably tsundere for ‘I want a hug’. ]

[ He buried his face against Sizhui, his eyes screwed tightly shut. ]

I hate it. I hate this place. I— I wanted to help, I wanted to save him—

[ Sizhui's breath rattled in his chest, but his hand didn't waver is its motions. ]

I know. I know, A-Ling. You - he deserves saving.

Perhaps...

Perhaps even if he doesn't remember, the fact that you wouldn't give up on him will matter enough for him to not give up, either.

[He had not expected a window, but he is adaptable. Scrambling over to it, he shoves the bundle in first as offering. He then clambers up to stick his head in afterward.]

Did I ask if you were fine!

[That is what he says. But he also looks at Sizhui for confirmation of whether or not he should continue to hoist himself inside. Sizhui knows this Jin Ling better than Jingyi, after all. He would not hesitate otherwise.]

I brought Fairy something to eat. And us too.

[ Jin Ling swallowed hard, stifling down another sob. ]

But I failed. [ A little hotly, frustration and anger and grief all leaking into his voice, the first two very much focused on himself. ]

I failed, and I--

[ He cut off, grinding his teeth. ]

... Sorry. Sorry, Sizhui, I just -- I knew this was going to happen and I still--