[ He wasn't expecting a real answer. At most, he was expecting stony silence. Maybe a denial. Most likely, an admonishment or a dismissal. He knew he was speaking out of order. Just like he knew how bad his behaviour was, or how much he disappointed everyone, or how they all wished he would be better without actually teaching him how to be.
He was expecting to be treated like the child everyone always treated him like, the child that lashed out just as they expected because he didn't know how to react any different. This is what he expected.
He didn't understand what he got.
Or, maybe he understood it too well.
He hated it, when he felt the angry heat rise to his eyes, blurring the edges of his vision. It wasn't an answer, not really, but then he's not sure that any answer he could have gotten would have explained it. Because he already knew. He knew something was wrong. He knew he didn't understand something, knew that people were lying to him.
Wei Wuxian had been one of the kindest mentors he'd ever known, when Jin Ling hadn't even known it was him. And he should have known, shouldn't he? His Uncle had known, and yet he'd released him. He'd been happy to believe the proof that Zidian offered, because he didn't want to believe anything else. He wanted Mo Xuanyu to suddenly be an actual uncle to him - to suddenly be smart and kind and good and--
He raised his sleeve to his eyes quickly, rubbing the hot angry tears away before they could betray him, swallowing his upset as thickly as he could though he could feel it mounting. Why couldn't he have better control over his own face?? ]
I don't understand him.
[ Not Wangji. Wangji he just didn't want to think about deeply enough to understand. Because if he thought deeply enough, he already knew. He'd seen it.
It's Wei Wuxian he doesn't understand.
He scrunched his face up, trying to forestall himself before the words left his lips, but he couldn't do it: ]
I stabbed him. Before he left. Because I had to. Because of what he'd done. I stabbed him, but I couldn't-- I can't--
[ He made a choked, angry sound - not quite a sob, and then took a step back away from Wangji to glare at him. ]
So go on! We're enemies now, right? That's what that's supposed to mean!
no subject
He was expecting to be treated like the child everyone always treated him like, the child that lashed out just as they expected because he didn't know how to react any different. This is what he expected.
He didn't understand what he got.
Or, maybe he understood it too well.
He hated it, when he felt the angry heat rise to his eyes, blurring the edges of his vision. It wasn't an answer, not really, but then he's not sure that any answer he could have gotten would have explained it. Because he already knew. He knew something was wrong. He knew he didn't understand something, knew that people were lying to him.
Wei Wuxian had been one of the kindest mentors he'd ever known, when Jin Ling hadn't even known it was him. And he should have known, shouldn't he? His Uncle had known, and yet he'd released him. He'd been happy to believe the proof that Zidian offered, because he didn't want to believe anything else. He wanted Mo Xuanyu to suddenly be an actual uncle to him - to suddenly be smart and kind and good and--
He raised his sleeve to his eyes quickly, rubbing the hot angry tears away before they could betray him, swallowing his upset as thickly as he could though he could feel it mounting. Why couldn't he have better control over his own face?? ]
I don't understand him.
[ Not Wangji. Wangji he just didn't want to think about deeply enough to understand. Because if he thought deeply enough, he already knew. He'd seen it.
It's Wei Wuxian he doesn't understand.
He scrunched his face up, trying to forestall himself before the words left his lips, but he couldn't do it: ]
I stabbed him. Before he left. Because I had to. Because of what he'd done. I stabbed him, but I couldn't-- I can't--
[ He made a choked, angry sound - not quite a sob, and then took a step back away from Wangji to glare at him. ]
So go on! We're enemies now, right? That's what that's supposed to mean!