[ Put aside everything you've ever known, everything you've ever been taught, been held to value, every lesson and every comfort given by the men who raised you. Those are the words he hears, even if they aren't spoken.
And just as happens many times in Jin Ling's life - when he finally gets the thing he wanted in the first place - the threat, the promise - a rage flares up inside him.
He throws the remains of the loquat to the ground in a sudden fit - tender flesh smeared over pavement, pits tumbling. ]
If I wanted to kill him I would have then!
[ Snapped far too loud, in the middle of the street, but an admittance he's made to no one. Not here, not there. Even if some had already accused him of it.
Wei Wuxian had left himself completely open. Jin Ling could have killed him. If he'd been braver. Smarter. If he was the son he was supposed to be, not the failure he actually was.
But he steps back, because he's always had a healthy fear of Hanguang-jun, and he knows the man doesn't lie. This isn't an empty threat. He hadn't wanted an empty threat in the first place, he'd wanted something real, but he had never been very careful about what he wished for.
Fairy bumps his ankles, turning her head up to him, feeling his frustration even if her animal ignorance kept her from knowing the cause. ]
None of you get it! [ He snapped in frustration. He needed someone to get it. Someone to understand and explain it to him. Because he was the last person able to untangle his own mess of feelings.
He turned, abruptly, stalking back the way he came, feeling himself aggrieved beyond all others. That fallacy of youth: that no one had or ever could feel the way he did, that no empathy or understanding could possibly be given. Even if he kept practically begging for it, it would never come.
He knew he couldn't stop Hanguang-jun if the man made a point of it, but if left to his own devices, he simply fled. ]
no subject
And just as happens many times in Jin Ling's life - when he finally gets the thing he wanted in the first place - the threat, the promise - a rage flares up inside him.
He throws the remains of the loquat to the ground in a sudden fit - tender flesh smeared over pavement, pits tumbling. ]
If I wanted to kill him I would have then!
[ Snapped far too loud, in the middle of the street, but an admittance he's made to no one. Not here, not there. Even if some had already accused him of it.
Wei Wuxian had left himself completely open. Jin Ling could have killed him. If he'd been braver. Smarter. If he was the son he was supposed to be, not the failure he actually was.
But he steps back, because he's always had a healthy fear of Hanguang-jun, and he knows the man doesn't lie. This isn't an empty threat. He hadn't wanted an empty threat in the first place, he'd wanted something real, but he had never been very careful about what he wished for.
Fairy bumps his ankles, turning her head up to him, feeling his frustration even if her animal ignorance kept her from knowing the cause. ]
None of you get it! [ He snapped in frustration. He needed someone to get it. Someone to understand and explain it to him. Because he was the last person able to untangle his own mess of feelings.
He turned, abruptly, stalking back the way he came, feeling himself aggrieved beyond all others. That fallacy of youth: that no one had or ever could feel the way he did, that no empathy or understanding could possibly be given. Even if he kept practically begging for it, it would never come.
He knew he couldn't stop Hanguang-jun if the man made a point of it, but if left to his own devices, he simply fled. ]