[His heart feels like it’s breaking and tears gather at the corner of his eyes. His courage wavers once more. He wants to stop it now, already. Yes, jealousy, yes it was false, yes he was innocent—
But he’s not. The blood that stained his hands could never be washed away completely. They so often say that the truth will set you free, but he doesn’t feel free. He feels the shackles of truth weighing him down, strangling him, holding him back from happiness that’s just out of reach. A few more well-places lies and maybe he could’ve had some of it back. Everything has been better as Meng Yao. Why couldn’t have have stayed as Meng Yao?
He doesn’t dare touch Jin Ling to try and calm him, holding his hand out in a ‘stop’ gesture.] Jin Ling. They were not wrong to accuse me.
I confessed to my crimes. They were all true. Your uncle is the worst sort of person, and I’ve done... terrible things. [He wants to soften this, to say he’s trying to do better now, but he can’t bring himself to. It feels too much like manipulation and he’s been trying—god has he been trying—to not twist things up anymore. He can’t trust himself anymore with that— when he speaks nowadays, how much of it is truth or just trying to explain, and how much is manipulating things? He doesn’t want his intentions to be misinterpreted.]
I’ve killed many people in my efforts to get where I am. Many I regret. Some I do not. [Meng Yao pauses and slowly grips his hands on top of the table, taking a breath.]
...You have been seeking proof of Wei Wuxian’s innocence. I am offering you that proof today, with my confessions.
no subject
But he’s not. The blood that stained his hands could never be washed away completely. They so often say that the truth will set you free, but he doesn’t feel free. He feels the shackles of truth weighing him down, strangling him, holding him back from happiness that’s just out of reach. A few more well-places lies and maybe he could’ve had some of it back. Everything has been better as Meng Yao. Why couldn’t have have stayed as Meng Yao?
He doesn’t dare touch Jin Ling to try and calm him, holding his hand out in a ‘stop’ gesture.] Jin Ling. They were not wrong to accuse me.
I confessed to my crimes. They were all true. Your uncle is the worst sort of person, and I’ve done... terrible things. [He wants to soften this, to say he’s trying to do better now, but he can’t bring himself to. It feels too much like manipulation and he’s been trying—god has he been trying—to not twist things up anymore. He can’t trust himself anymore with that— when he speaks nowadays, how much of it is truth or just trying to explain, and how much is manipulating things? He doesn’t want his intentions to be misinterpreted.]
I’ve killed many people in my efforts to get where I am. Many I regret. Some I do not. [Meng Yao pauses and slowly grips his hands on top of the table, taking a breath.]
...You have been seeking proof of Wei Wuxian’s innocence. I am offering you that proof today, with my confessions.