[ He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have Sizhui’s kindness, he never has, and he doesn’t trust himself to keep from saying something even more stupid than he already did.
He regrets it, as soon as Sizhui is gone. Regrets not stopping him, not explaining, not just- not just grabbing him and kissing him so maybe he would get it—-
But he promised he wouldn’t. He promised Hanguang-jun he wouldn’t take something that wasn’t freely given, so he couldn’t force Sizhui to stay. He couldn’t even beg him to listen. He just sits and waits until he hears the outer door close, and then he rises, walks across the room -
And abruptly puts his fist through the wall, the outburst delayed but still deployed.
no subject
He regrets it, as soon as Sizhui is gone. Regrets not stopping him, not explaining, not just- not just grabbing him and kissing him so maybe he would get it—-
But he promised he wouldn’t. He promised Hanguang-jun he wouldn’t take something that wasn’t freely given, so he couldn’t force Sizhui to stay. He couldn’t even beg him to listen. He just sits and waits until he hears the outer door close, and then he rises, walks across the room -
And abruptly puts his fist through the wall, the outburst delayed but still deployed.
Fuck everything. ]