inheritedpain | IC INBOX: PRISMATICA

[ He shows up a little while later, clutching his sword in one hand, his other buried into Fairy’s fur behind him. He knocks sharply on the door with the hilt of the sword, then stands there awkwardly waiting for the door to open.

Why is he so nervous?? His father is the one who should be apologizing to him, not the other way around!! ]

[zixuan looks up sharply at the sound. he's here, and he crosses the room before pausing on the other side of the door.

he takes a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists before he opens it. zixuan blinks at the sight of him, staring an awkward moment before opening the door wider in invitation.]

Please. [he keeps looking at the boy even once he's inside, finally voicing what he keeps wondering.] Have you gotten taller?

[ He enters the room, trying to emulate Lan Wangji’s calm serenity and instead ending up with an annoyed expression, his nose scrunched up like he can smell something awful.

He’s expecting an apology, so when he gets that instead he just shoots Jin Zixuan a very annoyed, confused look. ]

Since when? Since I was born? I should hope so!!

[ Yeah he’s already off to a great start. ]

Since the park.

[men have drawn their swords on him with less anger. but patience. that's something he was also told. zixuan lets the door shut with a soft sigh.]

Jin Ling, it was never my intention to embarrass you. But I did, and for that I'm sorry. It'll never - [he pauses, corrects himself.] I'll do my best so that it doesn't happen again.

I don't know. Maybe? It was only a little while ago. [ Is he supposed to keep track?? Is his dad disappointed about his height????

He looks off to the side, frustrated and flustered, though it's half with himself at this point. He doesn't meet his father's eyes. ]

You can just talk to me, you don't need to talk to anyone else. [ He's not very graceful at accepting apologies, apparently, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. ]

You don't -- You don't need to try so hard.

I know that. Now.

[the last word heavier than the others, an anchor around his neck. he goes over and sits down, holding his hand out to fairy. he should probably pick up some of those...what are they called..."doggy treats."]

I thought...it should be me who knows how we move forward. [because he's the father, and asking his son about how to raise him had felt unfair when this relationship is unknown to him too. zixuan looks up after a moment.] I'll try to relax. But Jin Ling, this is more important to me than anything. You are more important to me than anything. And if my words aren't enough, then let my actions prove it.

[ Fairy obediently looks up at Jin Ling, as if waiting for permission, and Jin Ling gave a tiny nod before the dog happily waltzed forward, pushing her nose into Jin Zixuan's hand. Jin ling just shifts awkwardly, looking at the ground, his eyes getting a little hot.

He really doesn't know what to say to that, and he has to swallow around his discomfort. What is he supposed to say? ]

You're doing it again, you're trying too hard. [ He accused, but if his voice was a little thick, so sue him. ]

You're here. That's the important thing. Stop worrying so much about it.

[he draws in a breath. it hadn't felt like he was trying. it felt easy to say, to mean.

but when he thinks about it, he also see how the words were overwhelming in their own way. he exhales with a nod. it's also enough that jin ling is here. whatever expectations he might've had for his son, there are none now. it's enough that he's simply breathing, simply himself.]

Tell me something about yourself. There are many...unique things here. Have you explored any of them?

[ His hand flexes, grips into a fist, and flexes again, as he stands there awkwardly, frowning. After about ten seconds of this, he finally sits down next to his father, putting his hands on his knees to brace them there. ]

Some of them. There are - there are machines that can make you feel like you're somewhere else, for a little while. I've tried those. And there was a - another weird machine that made you look like someone else when you pressed a button. The juniors and I--

[ He faltered, frowning, looking down at his knees. ]

Most of what I do is just try to figure out what the hell is going on. [ Muttered quietly. ]

I know those machines!

[why is that so exciting, don't ask him. the first feeling of "common ground", maybe.

zixuan's eyebrows do a little jumping thing as he catches a few words.]

Your friends?

[he turns more towards him, he's very interested in this. and not for chroma reasons, he swears.]

[ Jin Ling's cheeks tinge a little pink despite himself. ]

Yeah, I guess. [ Still muttered. He's only getting used to the term, and he's already made it complicated since getting here. ]

The juniors are-- they're all cultivators from other clans. We just - we ended up going on this weird night hunt together in Yi City, once.

Not all of them are here, but - Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen - they live with - with the elder Hanguang-Jun.

[zixuan wisely, for a change, pretends not to notice.

but he notices.]

Many night hunts are weird in one way or another. How was this one so different?

It - it wasn’t just like a normal monster or a demon or something. There was—

[ A pause, a frown. ]

I can tell you the whole story if you want but it’s really sad. And you can’t- you can’t mention it to Daozhang Xiao if you meet him.

[zixuan blinks a few times. it's a strange combination, a sad story somehow connected to xiao xingchen, a man he's never met but knows of from reputation alone.]

I give you my word, I'll mention it to no one.

[ So he starts.

He's not the best story teller, by any means, and his view is somewhat limited. More than once he goes to say "Mo Xuanyu" then grimaces and corrects himself to "Wei Wuxian", but otherwise he tells his father exactly what happened. How they were all led to the city, how it was covered in fog and they couldn't get out. How many of them were poisoned, how Wei Wuxian made them congee ("I wasn't even allowed to have any but even I could see it was awful"). How Xiao Xingchen had appeared - how it had turned out not to be him at all. Lan Wangji fighting him, the fierce corpses fighting each other. He was careful not to mention Wen Ning by name, only by moniker - the Ghost General.

A-Qing, Wei Wuxian using empathy, Xue Yang - all of it.

He only ended when he told his father about the burial. By the end of it he was solemn, and he couldn't look directly at his father. ]

We went - we all went to an inn, afterward. I got into a fight with Sizhui, but it was stupid. Somehow he still-- we're still friends, I guess.

Though the Lan Sizhui here isn't... isn't the same as the one back home. He's one of the others. But he doesn't mind, so I won't mind either.

[whatever he expected this story to be, it's nothing like that. he would almost believe it to be exaggerated, the way jin zixun would stretch stories when he had a few drinks in him, making the danger more dangerous and himself more heroic. but jin ling is not jin zixun. he tells the story in an adorably earnest way, true to his memory of the events.

he catches himself wondering if jiang cheng knows this story. if his heart seized at the most dangerous parts the way that his own does. but it's amazing too. he scoots forward, gripping the fabric of his robes over his knees more than once.]

Boys fight sometimes, even friends. I can't tell you the number of times I fought with Wei Wuxian. Even your uncle and I were not always on good terms.

[better now - not that he wants to remind him.

but speaking of "others"...zixuan opens his mouth, hesitating before finally speaking.]

Have you met many of...those who aren't the same from home?

[he's thinking of the other him, of yanli, even the other jin ling.]

A few of them.

[ He mutters it, his expression turning into a frown. ]

I— I know I should pay them my respects more often, but.

[ He shifts uncomfortably. ]

They aren’t mine. They’ve got their own— they’ve got their own Jin Ling.

[ And then, a little miserably: ]

Are you going to recognize him as your son too?

I had never even considered it.

[which might be strange. jin ling is the son of jin zixuan, and he is jin zixuan.

but jin ling...his jin ling, already understands the feelings he has about it.]

I'm sure he is a fine son, but I only have one.

[ The sudden heat behind his eyes surprises him - he hadn’t realised just how badly he’d wanted to hear that until it was said. His fists bunched tightly into his robes at the knees, and then suddenly he moved - shifting over the distance between them, wrapping his arms tightly around his father and pressing his face into his shoulder.

Don’t — don’t call him out just let him have this!!! ]

[look, if he even tried to call him out, he might start crying too and nobody wants that. so after the surprise, he just...wraps his arms around him too.

his son is solid and real and here. jin zixuan has to keep reminding himself of it so that he doesn't start thinking that it's just a dream.]

[ If Jin Zixuan’s shoulder is starting to get damp, it’s fine. It’s just. Raining. Inside.

He clings a little tighter when the embrace is returned, too overwhelmed by everything to be more dignified about it. Because here was the honest truth of the thing:

Even if his father did embarrass him... ]

... I’m really glad you’re here.

IC INBOX: PRISMATICA

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